I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
