sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
