Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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