your parents love me but you hate me
4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Randomize
