using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize