i wish my penis had a tongue
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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