While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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