so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
