Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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