I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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