dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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