mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
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So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
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Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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