I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
why is half of my head shaved?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
