Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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