Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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