It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just found puke in my bra..
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
