he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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