remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
