For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
