and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
