Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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