i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
