Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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