Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
