I cannot find my penis.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
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WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
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There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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