I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
