He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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