Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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