I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
