I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
