Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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