another moral hangover. fuck.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
