Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
