I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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