I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
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i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
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My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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