where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
