Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
