i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
