I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
