just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
