with your own penis?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
