Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
