Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Randomize
