hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
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