So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
