Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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