If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
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I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
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You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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