I want to make a zoo with you.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
