I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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