I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
