somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
