I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Randomize
