we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
