you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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