Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
