Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
