Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
