did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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