If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
