p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
please come you make the beer taste better
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
