Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
