I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I feel like abortions should bother me more
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
