Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
