i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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